Food Jokes for Kids

20 jokes

Food jokes are the ones that get used, because the material is already on the table. Half a joke is the picture in your head, and if the picture is the thing on the plate in front of the child, the joke arrives ready-made.

These 20 are ours and all of them are clean. They are also, quietly, the most useful ones on the site: a joke about broccoli is a surprisingly good way to get past the moment where a five-year-old has decided to be against broccoli.

Why did the tomato turn red?
Show the punchline
Because it saw the salad dressing
What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
Show the punchline
Nacho cheese
Why did the egg go to school?
Show the punchline
To get eggucated
What did the broccoli say to the pizza?
Show the punchline
Nothing. Broccoli doesn't get invited
Why was the pasta so proud?
Show the punchline
It was feeling saucy
What do you call a sad strawberry?
Show the punchline
A blueberry
Why did the biscuit cry?
Show the punchline
Because its mum had been a wafer so long
What kind of nut has no shell?
Show the punchline
A doughnut
Why don't eggs tell jokes?
Show the punchline
They'd crack each other up
What do you call an angry carrot?
Show the punchline
A steamed vegetable
Why did the orange stop halfway up the hill?
Show the punchline
It ran out of juice
What do you call a potato wearing glasses?
Show the punchline
A spec-tater
Why was the mushroom invited to every party?
Show the punchline
Because he was a fungi
What did the lettuce say to the celery?
Show the punchline
Quit stalking me
Why did the banana wear sun cream?
Show the punchline
Because it was starting to peel
What do you call a fake noodle?
Show the punchline
An impasta
Why did the grape stop in the middle of the road?
Show the punchline
It ran out of juice too. It's a family problem
What's bread's favourite school subject?
Show the punchline
Loaf-ing about
Why did the jam go to the doctor?
Show the punchline
It was in a jam
What did the plate whisper to the other plate?
Show the punchline
Dinner is on me

How to tell them

Keep these for the table, and specifically for the difficult ten minutes of the meal. A joke about a vegetable does something a discussion about a vegetable never does: it makes the vegetable a character rather than an obligation. That is not a trick to get a child to eat — it usually does not work as one — but it does reliably turn a standoff back into a meal. The other place they earn their keep is the supermarket, where every aisle is a prompt and a bored child suddenly has something to look for. And when the child starts making their own, the food ones are the easiest to invent: take any food, ask what it would say if it could talk, and about one in four answers is a joke.

More jokes

After the jokes, a story: illustrated bedtime stories on Marytale →

All 20 food jokes on this page are written by Marytale for children aged 5 to 10. None is copied from another collection.